September 17, 2016

Why It's Almost Been a Year

It's been almost a year since I have written here. Some of you may have wondered why, some of you may not have noticed, but to get this thing back on track I feel the need to briefly explain. Lists are still popular on the Internet right? Here goes!

That moment when you realize going
"above and beyond" for your job is a bad idea.
1) Bills are real. We'll start with stating the obvious, I was working hard and not smart. This blog has, and probably always will be, a love thing. Very rarely do people pay someone to speak the truth, like this: working harder gets you relatively nowhere. It's a myth, like a good BOGO deal or eating your way slim. Have you read Animal Farm lately? Well, I copped that on Audible, and dammit if a lot of us are not about that Boxer life. If you come across an opportunity to get out of the rat race a little bit fam, take it. Working hard is for horses, not people.

2) Pain is a hell of a drug. Loving yourself is a full-time job, 24/7, 365. You have to work at it. Anyone who says anything else is a damn lie. Sometimes sadness can be seductive, your pity parties seem like a good idea, and you'll live in that mess until you get tired of being less than. Writing from that place can be therapeutic, but that's not what I created this blog for. #NoDrakeSh8t

3) I want to impress you people. It's true. I appreciate every single person who has read a post on this blog ever, and I didn't want to post just anything, especially as the time continued to roll by. I have about 10 posts still in "Draft" mode.

Ruby in Durango, CO4) The Petty Games and Location Reconciliation. In case you missed it, I moved to Denver, CO as a digital media consultant in 2014. Colorado is beautiful. I dated a born-again Christian and a Canna-preneur in the same year. I lived with an "occasional" coke using 40-something, an alcoholic flight attendant, a bald-headed sociopath, and now a fairly normal person who cooks relentlessly, but doesn't take out the trash. (Who doesn't love fruit flies AmIright?) I've thought about relaxing my hair. I've thought about changing my style. I've laughed to keep myself from crying about White liberalism. I once took 3 buses and 2 hours to get beauty supplies. I've found the best M&Ms cookie and ice cream I've ever had, (not in the same place). I grew green onions by accident. I've read people for filth and dismissed them because I recognize abuse when I see it. I've kept a small circle and decided to find something good in almost every day, no matter how odd it may feel to celebrate my natural Black ass. Colorado is beautiful, but the grass isn't always greener, sometimes it's fake.

Besides, everybody loves a comeback right? ;)

If you've had to put something on hold to handle your biz-ny-E, share with me in the comments, or get at me on Twitter or da Gram.


November 27, 2015

About Love and Lists

At 20-something years old, I've decided to make a list. The truth is, grown women make lists. In being fierce and independent and fabulous (FIF), women like me are encouraged to go after our goals and dreams- even setting micro goals that get to the big goal.

We are taught to take charge of our finances, and get to that down payment on our first house. To be clear, you are reading the words of a woman who paid off her student loans in 4 years while taking International trips. Yes, budgeting on fleek. However, this same kind of precision is not encouraged in romantic pursuits. Or if it is, it's because the woman "isn't getting any younger" and it's thought to keep desperation in check. That's crap.

The main reason most people don't make lists is because their romantic relationships are driven by location, familiarity, and class. Don't worry, I won't dig out my Sociology course work on this, but suffice it to say most people don't make lists because they don't have to. The more fortunate folks who's no-brainer husbands materialized after saving her from a breakdancer's sharp elbow in the subway, or catching his embarrassed eyes after he hit that sleep nod hard in your grandma's church, are good to go. Girls like me go their weddings.

The big myth though, is that girls like me are unhappy at their weddings because we wish we were them. Does it look good to have a partner in crime for life? Of course! But I'm also not trying to rush into an argument about which way to roll the toothpaste. Very rarely is everything all that it's cracked up to be. Things that also fall in this category: babies, freelancing, mo' money, but I digress...

Aziz Ansari has talked about this whole relationship thing and how we have become burdened by having too many choices. Now, I'm not a world-famous traveling comedian, but dammit if I don't have choices. In fact, in talking to a close friend recently, she called me spoiled. (Yes, my friends will call me out on my crap, and I'm thankful.) I'm used to certain things and men being a certain way. My parents have also mentioned this, so at this point, there's some merit to it. To be clear, spoiled in my case is about being head-strong and generally unimpressed. So, the "partner must-haves" to work with this need to be listed. SEE: Patient AF.

Some ladies don't need lists. ALSO, the list does not mean your husband will materialize next week, that you want one, or that you are now obligated to find this man. I don't plan to change a damn thing. What I do know, is that if/when he appears I'll know it. And not for some whack-ass, "he looked in my eyes and I knew reasons," but some real "I will dance battle you in this Target woman!" reasons. Because that's what my life is about. 

October 23, 2015

6 Reasons Why Feminists Love Drake

I would like to believe that there is no longer a debate about Drake being kind of a big deal. Not only has he said it a few times, but if I had a dollar for every singing rapper that's been out since '06, I could buy a really nice martini at bar in Manhattan. So here we go!

6) He was a kid once: Like does anyone know what a baby Ja Rule looks like? I rest my case. Moving on.

He is getting it! Foreshadowing much?
5) He goes for the long shots:  Bad Girl Ri Ri, Onika, Scrippas... he likes to go for the girls who just a little bit out of reach, but only because they're really just like every other girl who wants love. Hey, if Jermaine Dupri could get with Janet Jackson, anything is possible. (No, I will NEVER forget that happened.)

4) He's not afraid to grow facial hair: Some guys get really attached to their image, especially rappers. Like, L.L. Cool J is still blowing kisses, but I digress. I like this new mature bearded Drake that wears turtlenecks and goes to the U.S. Open. He's brave. He's not afraid to be himself, which leads me to...

3) He's honest: Drake gets a bad wrap for being sensitive, but who said men can't be honest about their feelings? I mean who hasn't been in Marvin's Room a time or two? "Yes, I am drunk right now, and you should be here with me while I feel on your booty." More guys should be honest like that. The world would be a better place.

2) He has a sense of humor: At this point, we've all seen the Hotline Bling video... and the memes. Clearly that was a joke. Also, that time he was on Jimmy Kimmel making fun of himself.

1) He likes 'em BBW: The best verse in "Only" goes to Drake. Not only does he talk about it, he really is about that life. *see points 2, 3, and 5

I'm just scratching the surface here, but the truth is we didn't know we needed Drake until he showed up. Now we don't what we'd do without him. He's like the new cupcake shop on the corner of your block.