March 31, 2012

From My Body

Birth control is great
Pills, shots, little penis slipcovers
Without contraception, creation comes without fail
And only a fool would not be afraid
But for me it is even more than fear
After I have pushed and screamed until I hear more screams and cries
The doctor will cry out the results: 
Two legs
Two arms
Ten fingers
Ten toes 
Two eyes
Healthy heart
One body in brown skin
Beyond fear, is the sadness and joy
The task of raising a little brown boy
With the hopes that he will one day become a healthy man
Knowing that it is an obscene obstacle course to the finish line
My husband will be great at showing him how to treat a lady
I will make him read
He will shatter the Black caricature
But I will still hold my breath every time he leaves
His brown skin making him potential target practice for police, bigots, and even fellow brethren
My heart will race and the cortisol will gather around the rims of my eyes
I wonder if I will be one of the lucky mothers
There are plenty sure, but if you are the unlucky one...
I do not want to know
And there could not be a greater pain on Earth
From my body,
I have very little choice in how the world will see the baby I bear
So I choose to abstain
I will put my reproductive powers on hold until the world shows me better
Until I can hold the baby I bear without sadness from the truth

From the Author

This has been on my heart for a while, but in the wake of Trayvon Martin and other hate crimes I had to confess what it is. I am not a mother, nor have I ever been, and lately I cannot say that I absolutely wish to be. I commend the women who have bravely chosen motherhood and wish them all the best. I will support you, my sister.

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