November 13, 2012

Worse than Kanye

I woke up one morning and realized I was damaged.
I looked across the room and saw all of my baggage.
That trip to Disney World that never happened.
That perfect man that made me feel magic,
but we never dated and he was never mine.
A lot of the good made up in my mind.
This new scene I saw made my sigh.
I now had a new challenge to change my life.
I screamed but how, and where to start?
A monster manifest from matters of the heart.
Problems and wounds I thought I'd fixed and buried,
Hung around my chest making me heave a little heavy.
Issues that stayed around to make me not trust you.
Issues that stayed around til there was nothing to commit to.
Choices debilitate me.
Choking, crying it gets hard to see.
Always responsible, level-headed and courageous.
Still there are days where I can't seem to face it.
My mask comes down on the weekend.
It's who I am, not what I wannabe then.
I am Black, vulnerable, and all the things that don't belong in a Manhattan work week.
Because New York is tough and only beasts will eat.
Only monsters with no regard survive,
Feeding on the weak to feel alive.
Only it can't be sustained.
Even w/ no heart, monsters have a brain.
and start to realize who they are and what they do.
They start to realize they've lost who they answer to.
There are few places to seek refuge.
No choice but to kill the monster and start anew.
Death by sacrifice is where you begin.
A new life worth living for a world worth being in.
How long do you put it off? A year? Or ten?
Can you hide your steely claws til then?
The timeline is not linear, only in practice.
Everything changes, only from formed habits.
This is the way, this is the way.
Kill the monster and throw the bags away.

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