June 29, 2014

4 Things About Women and Fitness

I have a confession, I am getting older. Or rather, I am noticing that I am getting older. Target and Home Depot trips excite me, I run through entire event scenarios before agreeing to go out, and my short and tight dresses hang in the closet collecting dust. The Buzzfeed lists ring true. Damn them.
In the midst of all this however, I am still childless and relatively carefree, so I will not despair. I would even say that I have gotten the hang of a lot of these adult things... except for Fitness.

This is me. Failing with a hula-hoop. Hard.
The F in fitness seems to whisper "F you" and taunt me with "Banging Bikini Bodies over 40." My trouble is, like anyone who isn't an athlete (i.e. most people), fitness was never something I thought about. I was active, I was young, I ate cake. Now, I'm not so active (apparently *home goods trips don't count), not so young, and I still eat cake. Being a woman though, there are things that seem to double up on these factors in the most unfair way possible...

1) Coping mechanisms: Whenever I have a really horrible day, my first instinct is not to go running Forest Gump style. I want to yell, I want to tell somebody about it, I want them to agree that whoever or whatever is causing me stress should be pushed in a pool in their finest silks. Ruined. I want empathy. I want hugs. What better way to get empathy and hugs than over wine and/or cake? Now what about if you're married and actually like your husband?! Hugs and kisses. I rest my case.

2) Women are Judgy: We judge ourselves harder than O.J. Every outfit is exhibit A-Z. Every other woman a witness. Even though every other woman is really thinking about themselves, we think other women are thinking about us. We fear judgement- even if that's not the case.

3) Our bodies are not our own: Very few life lessons encourage ownership and comfort in our own bodies. Whenever a woman puts her body out in the public eye, no matter what size, it is somehow an act of bravery. It shouldn't be. If "Top Model" taught me anything, it is that everyone has issues, but you have to face them. Going to a gym, or pole dancing class, makes you come face to face with your issues. You become aware of your body and you have to own it, and that ish is hard.

4) Creepers: The best time I had working out was in a David Barton's in Chelsea. There's a reason why women hate gyms, and it's not just because the machines are awkward. We don't like to be ogled by posers near the free weights. To any men who may be reading, if a woman goes to the free weights please don't offer your services unless you work there. Trainers, we do not want your number.

The point is, knowledge is power. I have thought about, and now documented, the things that I equate with clowns reaching for me in the dark. However, my fear of hypertension, diabetes, and depression allow me to get back into the swing of things and punch a clown in the face. Live your life the way that best suits you and keeps you healthy, but don't play the fool and let fitness knock you out.

*Honorable mentions
Body make-up differences: It is so discouraging to run into guys who's bodies melt off as soon as they start breathing heavy on a regular basis.
Crowds: Show up late to Zumba on a Tuesday and see what happen.
Money: Pilates is mad expensive!
Cute work out gear: Lululemon can kiss my ass. 
Cake: We've already covered this, but adding for emphasis



Share your fitness story in the comments below or Tweet me @herdiamondback!


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1 comment:

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